Week 125: Diffusing the Intense Emotions that Can Accompany Blame

October 22 – October 27, 2018

October 22 – October 27, 2018 . . . . .

WEEK 125

October 22 – October 27, 2018


Monday, October 22, 2018

How to Skillfully Bring Awareness to a Client’s Vulnerabilities

Sue Johnson, EDD shares how she helped her client get to the core issue beneath her blame.
Running time: 08:13

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Tuesday, October 23, 2018

One Strategy for Disarming a Client’s Defenses

Shelly Harrell, PhD gets into an approach to help avoid triggering a client’s defenses as they begin looking at their role in a problem.
Running time: 09:13

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Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Helping Clients Move Beyond a Need to be “Right”

Bill O’Hanlon, LMFT looks at how to shift clients out of fault-finding to resolve conflicts in their relationships.
Running time: 08:36

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Thursday, October 25, 2018

4 Steps for Working with Blame That’s Rooted in Past Experiences

Ron Siegel, PsyD gives a 4-step approach for guiding a client out of a blame mindset that’s deeply ingrained.
Running time: 09:22

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Friday, October 26, 2018

Critical Insights

Kelly McGonigal, PhD and Ron Siegel, PsyD highlight the key concepts in this week’s videos.
Running time: 19:51

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Saturday, October 27, 2018

Focus on Application

Rick Hanson, PhD and Joan Borysenko, PhD, connect exercises and techniques with this week’s discussion so you can begin using these ideas right away with your clients.
Running time: 18:32

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7 Responses

  1. I found the information provided by Kelly McGonigal on ‘pattern recognition” and the concept of cognitive flexibility and sense making so valuable. If I can help my client’s understand that if they can recognize what is happening quicker they will have more control over it, it will be so valuable for them. I especially like the analogy of using a zoom lens to encourage client’’s to look at the big picture. A good percentage of my client’s are seniors who reside in Assisted Living environments and “blame” happens quite often as many. if not all of them do not want to be there so it is easier to blame the first person they see.

  2. Liked Shelley’s discussion of her client realizing she had chosen her partner and her own career.

    Often I have clients speak of what drew them to each other at the beginning, why they fell in love. These are often the issues they presently facing later in the marriage.

    It helps them revisit why they married, reevaluate their present complaints . Now they see the old asset as something once loved. It helps them put it in perspective as an asset they had once drew them together. A review of the first underlying contract in that initial world.

  3. Love that statement by Sue, reminding that the eyes face outward and not inward. So true, a great phrase to remind a couple.

    The men seem to get very angry when they have to address their feelings. I know we have to approach this very gently. One man actually informed me that God made a mistake giving us emotions and he was being honest. I was so sad that he actually thought that. It was not for months until he realized that his anxiety was really due to not being able to understand his feelings.

    He still does not emotions but now realizes he no longer has anxiety, sweaty palms or racing heart beats when he faces his actual emotions, instead of avoiding them. He began to accept this so called “weakness.”

    My heart hurt working with this, especially seeing so often that so many men see it as a weakness instead of human reactions.

    I often see the female smile when the husband gets angry. He often smiles when he sees her cry. Oftentimes, the spouses live vicariously thru the other spouse, a wonderful Jungian perspective. This truth often comes out in the couple when they can acknowledge they unconsciously might be triggering a response in their partner. They grasp they were never allowed to either get angry or show sadness, so they live vicariously through the supposed weakness in their spouse. The smile is a give away if you catch it.

  4. I’m only just getting into this weeks material and saw Sue Johnson’s contribution. This is exactly what I need for a course I am giving at the moment.

    I’m working with a group of daycare professionals who is divided into two groups. The two groups are great within each of them, however they have difficulties mixing and mingling or even having a comfortable conversation amongst them. I can already see how a playful “couples” intervention, meaning exercises with a partner, using the idea of triggering the other person’s reaction will help me out here. What I can imagine I will do, is also from the Critical Insight session from week 122, where Kelly McGonigal explained how asking about what the other person is thinking (I’m making this short, there was more to it) helps increase and improve empathy. So the exercise will be on the one hand hearing the other person on how he or she feels, feeling what I feel while and after the first person talks, asking if I understood correctly what the other meant to say, explaining how I feel about that. And the other way around. I will have a third person sitting beside the “couple”, observing (kindly) their body language, eye contact, tone of voice….

  5. Thanks so much this applies to several of my clients. One now has insight into her role of her armour and also in seeing changes in her husband and his increased caring behaviors and she fear of accepting and believing that the change is lasting and she has not decided to risk the hurt again even though she has increased in her capacity of keep herself safe and feel whole. So I am interested in integrating trauma
    based therapy with each of them. Plus continuing using the information from all these skilled therapists.
    Thanks again.

  6. I really liked Bill O’Hanlon’s approach with the couple. In addition, I was wondering if they were my couple, whether I’d explore with the woman what the “Tsk, and sigh,” triggers in her emotionally, allowing her to say what comes up for her in front of her husband.

    As Bill described it, what came up for me internally was being pissed off because it felt like first, shaming with the tsk, and then, “poor little me” with the sigh, as if “no one ever pays attention to me” and he has become a little boy instead of my equal partner.

    When Bill described the husband’s actions, I wondered if there was a dance happening, the man knowing the first step, and the woman automatically responding with the same 2nd step. I wondered what would happen if Bill had asked her what language and actions she would have liked her husband to do to initiate sex, that was different from what he was doing, and whether she could teach him those steps. And then asked him how he would have liked his wife to respond. Maybe that would take it one step beyond Bill’s.